Master of the Monkfish
by The Master of Dimensions Jr
Summary: In which a certain aquatic organism native to Argentum brings former enemies together in the form of a cooking contest to be held in Garfont. Inspired by two Heart-to-Hearts: Mòrag the Chef and The Literary Life. Warning: spoilers for New Game Plus.


It was a lovely day at Alrest, where the remaining Titans continued to persist among the Cloud Sea as long as they could before reaching the final days of their lifespan. At least, that's how the story usually went. In this scenario, while the main story relatively remained the same, a few changes behind the scene rivaling the power of the Architect permitted new things for this playthrough.

Let's just say that "anything goes" with some of the previously conceived impossible notions becoming possible before we go on, all for the sake of "fun." And "fun" usually does not make sense sometimes, in a matter of speaking.

Moving along, the day was especially pleasant at Uraya as Rex and his merry group of friends have decided to stop by Garfont Village and rest there from their travels for the time being. Garfont Village itself was thriving well under the efficient cooperation and organization of its mercenaries, living up to the legacy that the deceased Vandham had envisioned it to be.

Life was simple in this small locale. Sleep, eat, train, and work together to make the world a better place. Various townsfolk, ranging from native Urayans to refugees of war originating from other Titans, got along well. Moreover, many Blades that Rex and his friends awakened and befriended during their journey have greatly aided the mercenary cause, most of which were vital assets in gaining mercenary points and building the Garfont reputation upon fulfilling many difficult missions.

Yes, it was quite the sight to see such camaraderie, especially if the Blades that the main heroes once faced as enemies were now close friends. One notable example was the beastly, yet super friendly Wulfric, who often stood on high cliffs to watch over and protect the village. Other examples were the Blade duo known as Praxis and Theory, currently helping out in setting up the tables for lunch in the tented tavern.

And speaking of lunch…

"What are you guys feeling hungry for?" Pyra offered.

She, Rex, Nia, and Dromarch were standing together in the public area of the Plaza of Reprieve. Azurda was hanging out inside of Rex's salvager helmet, taking in the tranquility and keeping to himself. Tora and Poppi α met up with their other Blade friends, such as Kasandra and Electra, nearby the inn tent. Mòrag and Brighid were curiously observing the training grounds, particularly invested in the sparring match between Perun and Zenobia. And Zeke had been conversing with Gorg about the latter's passion for sweets before the two of them wound up performing poses together, much to Pandoria's embarrassment. After all, she thought she was the only Blade privileged to pose with her prince.

And of course, there was Roc independently monitoring the village as directed by Rex and to live up to Vandham's bequest. Always have been, always will be.

"Er, Pyra, I don't think it's necessary for you to help," Nia interjected. "Garfont's already got their cooks. Just look at the tavern over there, yeah? They've got it all covered. We're guests. They'd probably tell us to sit down and wait for the grub until it's ready."

"It might be a while until we get to eat though," Rex muttered, glancing over to the tables where the Garfont villagers were gathering. "It's only fair to let them eat first. And to be honest, I don't mind waiting."

"Well, I'm not saying no to Pyra for cooking for us," Nia added. "I'm just saying that these folks might want us to kick back and relax and all that jazz, yeah?"

"Then how about you leave the cooking to the main star of this story?" a familiar pretentious voice offered from behind them.

"Wha—? Akhos?" Nia yelped, caught off guard by the sudden arrival.

Believe it or not, the former brains of the Torna terrorist organization, clad in fashionable blue armor and red-rimmed square glasses as well as sporting a partially red Core Crystal on his collarbone, was now a valuable ally in their service. While this Akhos didn't have any memories prior to his random awakening by the heroes, his crimes as part of Torna weren't easily forgotten, but they couldn't blame this Akhos for such things. Granted, he still had the same annoyingly narcissistic personality, writing plays and scripts based off their experiences throughout Alrest. One had to wonder who his first Driver was to ingrain this Blade's entire personality.

"Your signs of confusion give me the impression that my cue was signaled too early before my debut," Akhos chuckled. "I jest though, but not really. This whole scene went accordingly to the script as the main protagonist has come to move the plot along."

"What are you talking about?" Rex asked.

"Ah, Rex, the youthful everyman destined to become the philosopher king in another tale," Akhos continued, readjusting his glasses so that the sunlight could reflect off the lenses for emphasis. "I'm talking about this current predicament, the dilemma our dear Pyra has in showing off her culinary skills to the good people of Garfont."

"Seriously, can't you just talk like a normal person?" Nia huffed in annoyance.

"I agree with Nia," an impatiently aggressive voice intervened, walking up to them and standing between Rex and Nia. "You can be so full of yourself, Akhos."

"Patroka, always a pleasure having you around, dear sister," Akhos smirked.

"Ugh, you and your disgusting habits," the easily displeased Blade, also formerly affiliated with Torna before being inexplicably awakened to the heroes' side with no memory of past crimes, remarked. "Honestly, Akhos, if you weren't such a great cook, I'd have disposed of you the next time you call me 'sister.' I don't even know why you have that notion in your head. We're Blades under some decent Drivers, nothing more."

"I don't need to explain myself," Akhos held his hands up. "It's just one of those mysteries imprinted into my Core Crystal, like how we Blades remember our names and powers upon reawakening to a new Driver."

"Whatever," Patroka scoffed before glancing around the small group she joined. "So, what's the deal here? You guys have a quest to do or something?"

"Pyra's offering to cook lunch for us, but Nia says it isn't necessary since we're guests visiting Garfont," Rex explained. "And then Akhos offered to cook instead."

"That sums the whole conversation quite well, Master Rex," Dromarch chuckled.

"Except my role isn't just to offer to cook," Akhos interceded, placing a finger on the bridge of his glasses. "It's what I'm meant to do for this story. And the motivation behind it? To prove my superiority as a Blade and one day match the greatness that is the Aegis. My battle capabilities are reaching her level, slowly but surely. Even the gods will come to fear my power. But even off the battlefield, I'm just as capable in the most menial of tasks." He theatrically flourished an arm as he took a dramatic pause. "In short, will I ever stop excelling?"

If that last line didn't remind you of the bespectacled man who claimed to be "the superior form" from another world and universe, then nothing will.

"Okay… I'll bite," Nia pouted. "Some of the things Akhos just uttered have gone over my head."

"See what you've done, Akhos?" Patroka folded her arms. "You've confused everyone with your nonsense theater talk. Why not just get to the point on what you're planning to do?"

"What? And ruin the built-up suspense?" Akhos gasped. "Only you, Patroka, would lack the fine sense of dramatic tension. I'm sure our friend, Mikhail, would agree with me. Where is he, by the by?"

"Hanging around Mòrag and Brighid by the training grounds," Patroka gestured with a thumb. "Surprisingly, he's behaving himself around them. I guess even Mik knows not to push their buttons, that moronic lech."

"Well, I know those two are the last people I'd ever want to mess with," Rex commented. "Mòrag's not the Flamebringer for nothing."

"And even Mythra's met her match against Brighid many times," Pyra added thoughtfully. "Though Mythra claims to have won more in their sparring matches in the past."

"Rex, Pyra, Nia, and Dromarch, you're probably the only sensible people I know around here," Patroka smirked. "Including Mòrag and Brighid, and I guess Pandoria, Poppi, and even Mythra to a degree. No offense, Pyra."

"Interesting turn of events we have here," Akhos noted. "Patroka actually admitting a level of fondness for the people she works with?"

"Hey, I'm not entirely cold-hearted, y'know!" Patroka huffed, face slightly red in anger and sheepishness. "I care about people… Even if I don't always show it. Doesn't mean I have to be all mushy and cutesy about it like some of the other Blades around here."

"To each their own, right?" Rex offered.

"Ha, you know, Rex? You're all right," Patroka replied. "The only decent guy around here. Well, I guess there's also the pervy fuzzball that created Poppi, as well as Turtle Boy. At least you deserve to know I hold you in high respect, unlike Akhos or Mikhail."

It was true. Out of curiosity of trying out her weapon for himself, Rex often found himself fighting alongside Patroka against aggressive creatures and Drivers while wielding her Cobra Bardiche, which was certainly strange at first considering that they were once enemies, even though Patroka did not remember her past life. For the most part, Pyra didn't mind hanging on the sidelines if it meant that she didn't have to fight as much as she detested fighting, which begets destruction, just as long as Rex paid attention to the needs of all the Blades that resonate with him, herself and Mythra included. Despite Patroka's lackadaisical outlook and seeming indifference to others around her, she was very dependable when needed. And she did show that she did care for her friends in other… unconventional ways.

"Wow, that's high praise coming from Patroka," Nia whistled.

"At least you don't have the disgusting impulse to call me your 'sister' or hit on me," Patroka continued, sending a glare at Akhos while at the training grounds, Mikhail felt a deathly chill crawl up his spine, much to Mòrag and Brighid's confusion upon seeing his face. "But that's a given when you already have Pyra and Mythra to wait on."

"H-Huh? Oh, uh," Rex stammered while Pyra blushed, causing Patroka and Nia to laugh at their reactions. "It's not like that!"

"R-Really, it isn't," Pyra added to his testimony, though she wasn't very convincing with the blush becoming as red as her hair and armor.

"Ha ha…! Rex, you're hopeless," Nia wiped a tear of laughter from her eye.

"Ahem!" Akhos cleared his throat, getting everyone's attention. "I'm afraid we've deviated from the script long enough."

"And what, may I ask, does your script foretell, Akhos?" Mòrag greeted as she, Brighid, and Mikhail joined them. "Mikhail said he felt odd just now and needed to see you two."

"I can only imagine you and Patroka were talking about me, which was why I had a strange feeling," Mikhail confirmed, smoothing his hair back with a hand before sending a wink to Patroka. " _Especially_ Patroka."

Yes, another oddity in this reality, in which Mikhail survived his endeavor to take down the Indol Titan before the heroes found him at the base of the World Tree. Given that his supposed final words to them confessed that they reminded him of his old friends over five hundred years ago, it wasn't a stretch for him to join them as he felt that they had an answer to the ultimate question of life: the purpose of the existence of humans and Blades. And with his nature as a Blade Eater, he was capable of bonding with any Driver worthy of his choosing. Or Mòrag, since she's a looker, though it was mostly because she benefited from his high-agility tanking abilities the most during battle.

"Get bent, Mik!" Patroka hissed. "Now's not the time for your idiocy."

"Only for you, Patroka," Mikhail laughed, holding his hands up while ironically riling her up more. "I come in peace. I just want to see how my good buddies are doing. Anyway, Akhos, you look like you have something to share?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," Akhos smirked. "A way to display my culinary prowess for all of you to witness, to rival and surpass Pyra's cooking capacities."

"Oh, yeah? Then I've got an excellent suggestion for you, Akhos," Patroka declared with a dangerous smile. "If you think you're up to Pyra's level, then make a dish with this one little thing as the main ingredient."

"Heh heh, name your ingredient, Patroka," Akhos goaded, grabbing a part of his glasses on the edges and tilting them up confidently. "I've made your favorites without fail. I defy you to challenge my talents to the limit and beyond."

"As you wish," Patroka shrugged. "I want you to make something out of…" Their little area fell into dramatic silence. "An Argentum Monkfish."

Right after Patroka revealed the main ingredient, various reactions happened throughout their group. Akhos visibly blanched and took a step back to process the information that he would have to use such an ugly ingredient, causing Nia to laugh. Mòrag and Brighid seemed to be undergoing symptoms of PTSD, though they did their best to appear unaffected despite… ahem… past experiences with the Monkfish while in Argentum. Rex and Mikhail were completely at a loss on what was going on. Dromarch shook his head and sighed. And Pyra, well, she looked excited at the prospect.

"That's not a bad idea, Patroka," Pyra commended. "I've been meaning to make a delicious dish out of an Argentum Monkfish for quite some time now. There was one moment though."

"What stopped you?" Patroka asked.

Pyra attempted to come up with a reasonable explanation without blatantly throwing a certain Flamebringer under the bus, but there was no need when Mòrag reluctantly raised her hand. Both she and Brighid surprisingly appeared guilty.

"That incident falls under our responsibility," Mòrag muttered. As a disciplined figure of authority, she was obligated to come clean and be accountable for all her and her Blade's actions. "But you have to understand that our foe was a nasty one. It left us no choice."

"Wait, you two burned it to ashes?" Patroka snorted, piecing it all in her head. "I never would've guessed the Flamebringer herself would be bested by a mere Monkfish."

"I warn you to hold your tongue if you wish to keep it, Patroka," Mòrag glared.

"We won't be merciful if you continue dragging our honor through the mud," Brighid added, eyebrows narrowed over her closed eyes for additional stern intimidation.

"Alright, alright, message received," Patroka replied, having enough common sense not to press her luck against the Special Inquisitor and the Jewel of Mor Ardain. "Sorry."

"I can try again with the Monkfish if everyone's okay with it," Pyra announced to defuse the situation. "We collected a surprisingly plentiful amount of them while staying at Argentum. Who'd known we'd collect a lot while exploring the Flight Deck?"

"Not so fast, Pyra," Akhos slowly gasped, regaining his cool. "The revelation regarding Mòrag is a plot twist for me indeed. If you're willing to sully your dainty hands touching that grotesque creature, then… so must I. I cannot be outdone, not even by the Aegis."

"Count in me!" Mòrag proclaimed abruptly, much to everyone's surprise.

"L-Lady Mòrag…?" Brighid asked tentatively, still recovering from her own shock.

"I wasn't expecting you to participate, Mòrag, but I suppose there's no harm to see you give it a shot," Patroka remarked, turning to the side to add one more snide comment. " _Even if the Monkfish freaked you out_."

"Forgive me for raising my voice, but… I need another chance to make up for the previous folly," Mòrag solemnly explained. "I won't let a mere fish get the best of me this time."

"You've had quite the third-rate experience with the Monkfish, Mòrag," Akhos commented. "I don't blame you for your reaction and desire for revenge against the creature. More to the point, I welcome any culinary rival to test my skills against. You, Pyra, and I will be part of a contest worthy of an audience of the gods."

"Now I know I mustn't allow myself be outdone in this field, especially by a former enemy," Mòrag added, her hidden competitive nature rising from within. "I cannot let him triumph where I failed!"

"Let me help you then, Lady Mòrag," Brighid offered. "My own squeamishness against our foe proved to be our ultimate undoing."

"Whoa, hold on," Pyra interrupted. "You two reduced the Monkfish into ashes last time! I don't think I can stand for a repeat performance."

"Sounds like something Akhos would say," Mikhail quipped to Rex, Nia, and Dromarch, getting light chuckles from the three.

"I appreciate the concern, Pyra, but I also share Lady Mòrag's sentiments in atoning for that moment," Brighid replied. "Also, as a fellow fire Blade, I cannot let you get the better of me just because you're capable of remarkable culinary palettes made through your own flames. And this is me not including my history with Mythra as another reason to step up to the challenge. You can say a bit of Lady Mòrag's competitive spirit has ignited my own. You can't stop me, in short."

"I'd say let her help," Akhos waved off. "It doesn't matter how much help she gets. I'll still prove to be the superior iron chef by turning the hideous Argentum Monkfish into something _beautiful_."

"Ooh, someone mentioned fish?" a childish lisp prompted. Their not-so-little group soon gained the additions of Obrona, Tora, Poppi α, Zeke, Pandoria, Cressidus, Perdido, and Sever. Yep, _all_ of them were being included in this mess in some way or another, whether they like it or not. They couldn't help but be randomly awakened by the boatloads of Core Crystals the heroes gathered along their journey. As Mikhail would say, though particularly for Patroka, it was time for their fan service. "Can I have some? _Please_?"

"Tora hungering for some food too," Tora bounced. "Is lunch ready yet?"

"You chaps going to hold a cooking contest?" Zeke inquired. "That's the gist I got from walking here."

"I certainly heard the Argentum Monkfish on the way here, my Prince," Pandoria clarified. "That should mean someone's planning to cook it. Is it Pyra?"

"Actually, it looks like we're going to have a contest between Pyra, Akhos, and Mòrag in cooking the Argentum Monkfish," Rex surmised.

"Cooking? Ssssounds boring," Sever scoffed. "Oh, but with those three going at it? I'd actually stay to see how this all turnssss out."

"It's always best to support your friends in any contest, Sever," Cressidus reprimanded. "Even I, the heavyweight Blade champion, knows that."

"It's not my cup of tea either, but I will admit this is a pleasant change of scenery from battling," Perdido said, folding his front pair of arms. "I look forward to spectating this competition."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Sever growled before addressing the entire group. "So we doing thissss or not?"

"I'd be happy to accept more applications to anyone thinking they can cook the Monkfish," Patroka announced.

"Is Pyra competing in cooking contest?" Poppi α raised her hand. "If so, Poppi estimates about combined three percent success rate for Akhos and Mòrag against her."

"I am, Poppi," Pyra nodded. "Though I think Akhos and Mòrag have higher chances at the very least."

"Validating your skill under Poppi's analysis, eh?" Akhos commented. "We're now at the scene where all odds are presented against me and I'm preparing to prove all naysayers wrong with my exemplary talents. I have to admit I'm glad to see this script flowing so well."

"Can I help judge?" Obrona asked excitedly. "I love fishies!"

"Whatever, but I don't think we need a lot of people to judge if we don't have any more contestants," Patroka commented.

"Poppi wishes to participate," Poppi α announced, turning to Tora next. "Masterpon, can Poppi exercise newly installed 'Iron Chef Pyra' protocol?"

"Uh, 'Iron Chef Pyra protocol'?" Pyra repeated, feeling a bit of flattery that one of the artificial Blade's functions was named after her.

 _Of course, it's all about you when it comes to cooking_ , Mythra's voice remarked in her head. _Hey, why don't you let me take the lead for this? I can cook too! I need the practice! Besides, it'll be one-sided with you doing the work._

 _No, Mythra, you put in too much when cooking and your dishes just don't turn out as well as you hoped_ , Pyra responded. _Besides, Akhos challenged me specifically. He probably wouldn't like it if we switched halfway, thinking that I wasn't taking him seriously enough._

 _Come on! Carbon's good for you!_ Mythra argued.

 _Another time, Mythra_ , Pyra sighed. She was impressed on how out-going Mythra was lately to the point that she occasionally jumped in to join their group's fun activities. Usually, she was out only when there was a powerful monster threatening their friends. _Just… hang back and learn._

 _Tch, fine_ , Mythra relented. _Just smoke Akhos and whoever else challenges the skills of the Aegis, got it? Our name's on the line, y'know!_

Regaining her awareness of the real world after speaking with Mythra, Pyra noticed Tora was fiddling with something in front of Poppi α. It didn't look like she missed much as she caught on to the genius Nopon's musings.

"Meh-meh, Tora not sure," Tora mumbled. "Tora thinks further testing is needed to perfect cooking protocol so that Poppi can cook for Masterpon anytime. But then again, Tora still need field data to improve performance of Poppi's cooking skills. Very well then, Poppi! Tora gives permission to participate."

"And that makes four," Patroka counted, hiding her smile on the side.

While she didn't plan on this turning into a small contest as she initially wanted to mess with Akhos a bit, not that the arrogant S.O.B. didn't deserve it, even Patroka had to admit that this activity was becoming fun for her too, and not simply because of the free food the judges would get. She was a Blade of simple pleasures, preferring to relax and do nothing as to avoid the strife of life in Alrest. And doing so with people she can call her friends appealed to her hidden compassion as an Earth Blade. While she couldn't remember her horrible past life where she and Akhos had nothing to live for since becoming Flesh Eaters until Jin rescued them, those memories left an impression on her very core enough to take refuge in indifference. However, even she couldn't deny that she harbored some fondness for her new friends and even her old supposed colleagues, Akhos and Mikhail, even though she'd sooner bite her tongue off than admit her feelings to those two. Akhos would be over the moon that his "sister" reciprocated their supposed relationship despite not remembering the actual context and Mikhail would never leave her alone after that.

"What do you think, my Prince?" Pandoria questioned. "Mòrag and Brighid are working together. You like competing against Mòrag just for the thrill of besting her outside of combat, which you probably can't beat her in."

"Hey, I resent that!" Zeke huffed, crossing his arms. "I'm not called 'Thunderbolt Zeke' for nothing, you know."

"And I know your record in the kitchen is laughable, let's face it, but this could be a good experience for you," Pandoria continued. "And I also know that you enjoy getting involved with these kinds of random commoner activities."

"Ha ha ha! Right you are, Pandy," Zeke chuckled. "I don't see why not myself. I've always wanted to learn to cook and what better way than to actually do so firsthand. Time to show the gastronomic world what the great and delectable Zekenator is made of!"

"This should be interesting," Nia remarked. "Three independent Blades and two Driver and Blade duos competing. And we have Patroka and Obrona to judge it all, to top it off."

"With this many competing, I think we can have some more judges to round it out," Patroka pondered. "Rex, Nia, Dromarch, Tora, you guys want in?"

"Sure," Rex shrugged. "Happy to help."

"I don't get a judge offer?" Azurda spoke up, poking out of Rex's helmet upon finishing his peaceful retreat.

"Eh, you and Rex can work it out somehow, old man," Patroka shrugged.

"Old man?" Azurda repeated, indignant at the label. "Missy, I'll have you know that I'm feeling as though I'm back in my prime. I mean, look at my youthful body."

"Yeah, yeah, small Titan larva body with the mind of an oldie," Patroka brushed off. "I get the picture. No need to chew my ear off."

"Well, I never," Azurda grumbled.

"It's okay, Gramps, we'll make our judgment together," Rex assured.

"I know that, my boy, but it's that disrespectful attitude of hers that's troubling me," Azurda replied.

"That's just Patroka for you," Rex answered. "Besides, she's not all that bad since joining us. She just wants to organize this activity properly. She's… just that orderly."

"Nia, Dromarch, Tora, your answer?" Patroka questioned, disregarding Rex and Azurda since they already accepted the judge position.

"I'd like to see what these guys are going to come up with," Nia nodded. "Normally, I'd throw my lot in with Pyra, Akhos, and Mòrag to show how great MY cooking skills are, but I think I'll sit this one out and be a judge instead. Either way, the Monkfish is supposed to be very tasty despite its ugly mug, yeah."

"Mayhap a blessing that you're not competing, my lady," Dromarch mumbled, which was unfortunately picked up by Nia's sharp hearing and was now enduring a sharper glare.

"Oi, you got something to say?!" Nia hissed, baring her tiny, yet pronounced fangs at her so-called loyal Blade, pretty much like how she flipped out over her ridiculously drawn wanted poster as first seen back at Torigoth.

"I, er, nothing that should concern you or your culinary aptitude, my lady," Dromarch sweat-dropped before looking up at Patroka to give her his answer. "In any case, I'd be honored and delighted to sample cooked Argentum Monkfish dishes. Thank you for your consideration, Patroka."

"Tora already salivating in anticipation!" Tora exclaimed.

"Gross," Patroka deadpanned. "I suppose I had that coming."

"Guess that leaves the rest of us as spectators," Mikhail pointed out, looking at Cressidus, Perdido, and Sever. "Eh, I don't mind one bit. I hope there's some audience participation." He emphasized it by patting his empty stomach. "Really can go for some food right now."

"Should we invite the rest of our Blade friends to watch, Mik?" Cressidus suggested. "Most of them are just standing around the village with nothin' to do."

"As long as no one here as a problem with a bigger audience, then yeah, big guy," Mikhail gave his former partner, at least as far as Mikhail would know, a thumbs-up. It was moments like these that helped him remember that he did have good memories, even if they were over five-hundred years ago. If only he could go back to those days, but Mikhail learned to make due with his new company, having been given a renewed purpose to his otherwise troubled life. "Just as long as they're not doing anything important or about to go on a merc mission."

"Roger that, amigo!" Cressidus saluted before stomping off to gather available friends.

"Ugh, what an accommodating buffoon," Sever groaned.

"Be nice," Perdido warned, to which Sever looked away and grumbled.

* * *

 **I meant to publish this weeks after the 1.3.0 patch that introduced New Game +, but I got too busy after that. And this fic was going to be one chapter long, but now I've split them up.**

 **With all the new versions and patches** _ **Xenoblade Chronicles 2**_ **is going to get, including the rumored 1.5.1 and 1.5.2 patches following the Challenge Mode DLC, there's so much fanfic fuel. And then there's** _ **Torna ~ The Golden Country**_ **. Really can't wait to see the Aegis War in depth and what more the characters we've come to know and love went through.**

 **I'm thinking of trying an Aegis Swap AU one day, but we'll see how that goes.**


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